Kindergarten

Orientation day!

Honestly I let my anxiety and hard feelings towards school get in the way a bit today.

My daughter is so excited to start her journey into the world of learning. As a father I’m excited for her. All hard feelings aside, there is a lot to learn in grade school and I’m anxious to watch her learn and grow.

Grade school was a very hard time for me. I went to three school by the time I was 9, which at the time made it very hard to make friends.

“Oh great not another boy!”

This was something I heard, from who ironically later in life became one of my best friends and she actually introduced me to my amazing wife. At the time it hurt but it was something I was used to. I was picked on a lot due to my size so I learned to hide my feelings and bottle everything up.

Always being the outsider I needed a way to “fit in”, so naturally I acted out. In “school” standard I wasn’t very bright, I did poor in class and well homework was not a priority. I hid my report cards and threw away notes from my teachers.

“if you keep this up your going to be no one in life”

“no Nick you need to do it this way, your way is wrong”

I knew from a very young age that school was not a place for me. By grade 12 I worked from 530am to 1030am then I went to school then back to work after class. At the time I had a 3rd period class which I would show up to late due to my work schedual and my teacher constantly harped on me for it. One day I had enough after he called me out in front of everyone.

Teacher -” Nick you come in here late everyday, your dressed in dirty clothes, you seem tired and distracted and your wasting my time”

Teenage Nick ” Oh I’m sorry, iv put in more hours already today then you will put in all week, so dont tell me im wasting your time” (there might have been some foul language in there)

Needless to say I quickly dropped that class and honestly never looked back. Now I’m not here to bash school, I’m not even entirely sure where I was going with that story but oh well.

Honestly I hope my kids grow up having the time of their life in school. I want them to have memories of their favorite teacher and “that one time in grade 4 when we…”. It turns out when you go to 5 different schools you end up with a lot of different friends and even more interesting stories. More then anything i want my children to leave school with amazing memories, and hopefully no debt(that ball is in my court I know).

To my baby girl, your growing up too fast for mom and me but that’s ok. Your going to learn lots both hard lessons and lessons that will come easy. Your going to make friends and lose friends but it’s all part of the process. Just remember to never stop learning, always go after your dreams and never give up on yourself. YOU have the choice to be happy and to enjoy your life. Listen generously, you might learn something from the most unexpected person. One last thing, BE YOURSELF. You are what makes you amazing, if someone doesn’t like it, so what. Your going to do great baby girl, go take what’s yours and never look back because you can’t change what’s already done but you sure as hell can build the road to where you want to go.

N.R.W

Advertisements

Migraines Part Deux

Ok so, awhile back I wrote this article about migraines. This is a follow up post that I have been contemplating for awhile now. I told myself when I started this blog that I was going to be 100 percent me, I’m not entirely sure why I was really contemplating anything. I have found 80 percent pain free days with the help of Medical Marijuana.

Let me tell you fine folks about how CBD Oils have literally changed my life. I went from taking 2 to 3 different pain medications a day, along with 2 different antidepressants, as well as having a back up (narcotic) just in case nothing else worked……. to NO MORE PILLS!!!!!

I know there are some of you who think it’s absolutely absurd, but guess what…. I dont give a damn what you think. I now live a life without a constant head ache. I went from having pain every single moment of my damn day to 2 maybe 3 hours A WEEK. I feel as if I’m free, free from something that has literally held me back from day to day activities.

I have changed a few thing in my day to day, minimal caffeine (I sneak a Coke here and there). I have now been alcohol free since February, ya that’s right no more weekend whiskeys. I also drink a Shakeology shake everyday. I have actually found that if I dont drink a shake, by the end of the day my head will start to aggravate me.

This combination has given me a new life, a life that I am no longer haunted with the possibility of being immobilized by pain. I feel like a new man to be honest. I do this super weird thing called sleep, all my medications before literally kept me awake until my body just shut down and I would sleep for a few days.

I feel as if I’m a better father and honestly a better husband. I dont scare my kids anymore when “daddy puked because he has a headache” or “daddy needs help walking because his head hurts”.

I’m not afraid to be alone with my kids, that’s right I was literally afraid to be alone with my kids.

So around this time last year, my wife was away on business for a few days and the girls and I were having a “girls week”. I ended up staying home all week due to my youngest puking about 3 hours after mom left. So we had a week of at home snuggles and tea parties, and that weekend we finally ventured out with Nana (my momma). We had a beautiful day at the park ending with some ice cream. We got the icecream and a wave hit me, a wave of pure agonizing pain. I asked my mom if she would watch the kids while I went home and slept for a bit. I’m not entirely sure how I made it home, all I remember was getting to my house and when I got to my room, I blacked out from the pain and woke up 6 hours later on the floor to my dad pounding on the door. This was why I was scared to be alone with my children. How am I supposed to take care of them if I can’t function.

IM FREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

If there is anyone out there thinking about the idea of medical marijuana, DO IT. I’m serious, there are options out there for everyone. Get that “stoner” stigma out of your head.

My new life is beautiful.

N.R.W

Motivation Station

What motivates you? what motivates me? This is a question that I am currently having to ask myself.

When I started this blog I felt as if I could write every day. This past few weeks however, time seems to simply just slip away. Am I doing something different? Should I do something different? Did something happen? Am I missing something? Am I being the best dad i can be? Am i being the best husband i can be? Am i being the best me i can be?

These are all questions I need to ask myself on a regular basis. Not because I think I’m a bad dad/ husband. Not because anything major came up in our day to day lives. I simply do this because no matter what there is always room for improvement.

I’m going to be blunt with myself here, I have been failing myself and my family. I have been quick on assumptions, I have been to short with my temper. Basically i have been a grouchy shit head.

There is absolutely no excuses. There is no reason big enough for me to be anything less then 100 percent for myself and my family. For this I apologize, I know that me writing this isn’t a formal apology, truthfully this has been an amazing thought process for myself.

I started this post with the hope’s of motivating myself to get writing more. Turns out what I really needed was a kick in the ass. When your not giving yourself 100 percent, your definitely not giving your loved ones 100 percent.

So what motivates me? My two daughters, my big little man and MY WIFE. Telessa I’m sorry I havnt been present, there is no excuse and you deserve better then what I have been giving.

I have a choice too be better. We all have the choice to be better, Ask yourself if what your bringing to the table is just the meal of the day or the family favorite that gets passed down through generations.

N.R.W

Change

Its strange to me that people are so opposed to change. We, as living beings, literally change every second of everyday. From the moment we are conceived, life as we know, evolves. So what is it that people are so afraid of?

Biologically speaking, there is nothing we can do about change, each year we have a birthday and turn yet another year older. Well, that is unless your a women, teachers seem to forget that chapter in biology class that all women when they turn 29 just stop getting older. This is a world wide phenomenon that has scientist’s puzzled.

So, leaving the biological side of change aside, why do people get stuck in their way and avoid altering their day to day lives? Ok, I get it “dont try and fix what’s not broken”. What if I told you that change doesn’t necessarily mean your fixing something, rather you’re fine tuning it.

Let’s look at our life as if it’s a brand new car. You go to the dealership and you pick out that brand new blacked out SUV with the supercharged engine. What happens when you drive it off the lot? It’s not so new anymore is it, It might be to you but try and sell it back to the dealership and your going to get the old model rates. So you decided to keep the SUV, 6 months later your driving past the car lot and what catches your eye? You guessed it the 2019 model just came out. When you see that new model your going to be 1 of three types of people.

  1. The first will pull into the lot find a sales staff and drive the new model home.
  2. The second will drive past at first. A few weeks later after some online research will go in for a test drive and make a calculated decision based on price, value of “new” upgrades and “want vs. need”. Based on that they will either purchase or wait a few years for a future model.
  3. The third honestly didn’t even look towards the car lot and has been driving the same car for some time. No payments are the best payments.

There is no right or wrong way to look at this unless you have no money and are “car broke”. If you’re that person (which I was at a very young age) then your type of change is taking a step back and saving all the spare change you collect.

Just like in the car industry, change is inevitable. It might not always be for the better but I’ll let you in on a little secret…… if you dont like the change that took place, just change it again.

There are 3 things (in my opinion) in my life that dont need to be changed.

  1. My wife and kids (well besides the two youngest they are constantly getting poop and pee on me it seems like)
  2. My mother (she raised me so she must be perfect)
  3. Big Macs, it’s the perfect sandwich and if you disagree well then I must question your life choices.

I believe that in order for us to succeed in life, change is a critical step that we must take. This doesn’t mean you have to clean house every few months and start over. It simply means that life is going to keep moving forward if you like it or not. So, why not make your life the best it can possibly be with some much needed regular maintnace.

N.R.W

I dont want to…….

It’s funny how inspiration works isn’t it? some days ideas just pop up by the dozens, then sometimes, it’s like staring into a pitch black room. For me it often comes with the help from a special soon to be 5 year old.

My oldest had a big few days, she had her first multi night sleepover with Ammi (one of the grandmas). I know it’s not a big deal to some but to her that time for just her means everything, especially with two younger siblings taking 2/3 of her previous attention. Within minutes of being home however you could tell the fight for mom and dads attention was on.

In our house we make sure we set aside one on one time with the kids, even if its running errands. The few hours spent with them allows them to open up in a different way with different music in the car or asking a million questions without being interrupted. I know for my oldest it’s hard because she remembers the old days where it was just the 3 of us. She is truly the best big sister a parent could ever ask for, 80 percent of the time she does anything she can to help us out.

Remember when I said “Within minutes of being home…..” well here comes the other 20 percent. I’m upstairs and I can hear my wife ask,

Wife: Can you please clean up all the books and toys you pulled out?

Thing 1: No

Wife: Um ok let me ask again. Can you please clean up your toys and books?

Thing 1: No. I dont want to…..

This went on for a few minutes, there was this tone in her voice and I couldn’t quite figure out what it was. I head down stairs, I’m getting frustrated with my apparent teenager and want to see how she acts towards dad. We sit down, I tell her it’s not nice to give attitude to mom and dad or anyone who is an “adult figure”. Out of left field comes more tude. Holy shit, mom and dad I’m sorry, that tone I could hear, was me…….

I’m sure everyone with kids at some point in time has used the phrase,

Do you think I want to go around cleaning up after you? No? I didn’t think so. So go clean up your toys.

Am I proud I said those words? No. Did I mean them? Yes, yes I did. Anyone with kids knows that when they are young they feel as if any attention is good attention. She knows that lashing out is bad, she herself feels bad about doing it. She will come over to me about 10 minutes after our talk and always say she is sorry and that she shouldn’t of done it.

What is the proper way of dealing with these situations? Is there a right way, or is every child different? I know that every child is different and that there is a wrong way of dealing with bad “tude”, I’m just not sure of all the right ways.

I’m not sure how my parents dealt with me, to he honest, I’m surprised I didn’t get Joe Dirted and left at the grand canyon. How did/do you guys deal with attitude? I’m always looking for a way to up my dad game, I know I’m not the perfect parent, but I sure do try to be.

N.R.W

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑