What did I miss?

 

It’s still 2018 right? No? Well shit, what the hell just happened?
Ok, so I still occasionally can’t sleep, I still have 3 kids (for now) and I’m still bald. In all honesty these last 6 to 7 months have been quite the blur.

“You know, a lot can happen in 6 months” is something I say more than I probably should. Yet here I am feeling like in the last six months I haven’t accomplished anything. I set some big personal goals for 2018 and if I’m being honest with myself, I didn’t come close to achieving them.

“I’m not mad, just disappointed.”

We have all heard this before. That’s right- we all just had flashbacks of the first time our parents blessed us with such fear. Can anyone tell me if they remember the first time they used that sentence in relation to themselves?

Now, just now, was the first time I remember. In case anyone is wondering, yes it still sucks. The dad in me is standing there with his hands on his hips and a “I told ya so” shit-eating grin on his face. The man child in me is doing everything he can from letting old shit-grin get the best of him but knows he was “told ya so-ed”.

I’m not mad really there is nothing to be mad about. I still accomplished a lot, just none of my personal goals were met. Here’s a little glimpse into our life achievements this past while:

My wife and I are expecting again this May! I know we said that after Paxton we were done, but guess what? Life had a different plan for us and we couldn’t be happier.

My oldest has started Kindergarten, figure skating and has set her first ever goal which is to learn how to read and write. Hopefully by grade 2 she will be able to help me with my reading and righting. (lol)

My middle child has totally found her own unique and crazy personality. She is so caring and warm-hearted, but at the same time she will cut you if you eat all the yogurt. At 2 years old she remembers lyrics from her favorite artists that include Leon Bridges, Post Malone and LP.  

And as for baby boy! He is walking, running, falling, climbing, laughing, loving and living. I don’t want to rub it in but “DAD” is the number 1 word in his vocabulary (to be fair, it was not the first). I’m not sure if this is something I should be worried about or not but he does do this one weird thing. Every so often he will stand on my lap and grab my head, and force me to move so he is able to look down on me. He then looks straight into my soul and headbutts me over and over again. Paxton: 1 – Dad: 0. #powermove

Well now it comes down to tackling the ‘being disappointed’ part. I’m not disappointed because I think I’m lazy or didn’t bust my ass off. I know I’m a hard worker and do everything I can to provide for my family. And I most certainly am not disappointed with the kind of husband or father I have been. Family always comes first. So why is it that I’m feeling this way?

Now I know this may come off as selfish to some, but the truth is that I’m disappointed because I am willing to go the extra mile for every single aspect  of my life except for the one that means the most: MYSELF. Yes you heard me, MYSELF.

Why shouldn’t my personal goals be a priority? And I’m not talking about the “take the kids to Disneyland” or “buy a new house” type of goals. I’m talking about the ones we all promise to ourselves when we have the “this is going to be the time I change the world” type shit.  We all have them- admit it. In my case, i keep telling myself that i am going to write a cookbook. I have started 5-6 times now but thats as far as i ever get. 

These are the kinds of  actions and habits that I believe could change a persons life. Now I’m not saying my life needs changing, I’m just saying imagine how amazing my life could be if I gave my mind and soul the kind of attention I give other aspects of my life. When your mind and body are filled with love and joy, you’re more likely to spread those feeling to the people around you and to the people who need it the most.

As I lay here in what is the last few minutes of my well deserved timeout (dad time) I ask myself to simply do better. Do better for Me, Myself, and I. If I can do better for ME I know that I’m doing better for everything and everyone that I care about in this crazy life. Everyone deserves a ‘do better’ moment, whats yours?

N.R.W 

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Do What Makes YOU Happy

What makes you happy? I’m talking genuinely happy. For some it’s friends and family, others enjoy pure solitude. Now let’s think about what can turn our days around without even noticing.

There are two things in my life that change my mood almost instantly. I’m going to give you a hint. It’s actually not my wife and kids, it’s cooking the food I love and music. There is something about the process that is absolutly magical.

It all starts with a thought, tguyhat thought might be “man we need to use up the mushrooms”. From that point I find myself physically and mentally rushing around to see what I can cook that I have never tasted before. In moments like these I find myself putting on music, these tend to be songs that I belt out during the entire process from start to finish.

Growing up my friends and I spent a lot of time at The Stretch cabin. Echo Bay was our playground from sunrise to sunset, often without sleep. I always loved to cook but this is where I found a love for cooking for the people I love.

I was usually the first one up, I would spend 5 minutes clearing the kitchen of miscellaneous beer cans and bottles of Baby Duck. Soon after, you could hear music throughout the cabin, as I was in my happy place. Bodies would start to crawl out of the bedrooms and off the couches to the smell of breakfast. This would go on from the moment we got up till the time we hit the hay. Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner was where I loved to be.

To this day, I love to have my close friends and family over so that I have a reason to create a new experience. Food is a powerful way to express your feelings and emotions. To some, it’s simply a waste of time and only something they must do to live. For others it’s simply life itself. How someone prepares food can tell you a lot about that person.

From Hotdogs to Maple Roasted Red Pepper Gnocchi, I hope that everyone I cook for can feel the love I put forth. Give me a fridge full of food and some Biggie Smalls, and Big Poppa is going to make sure your tummy is fed and your heart is full.

N.R.W

Fathers Day

Ok so I’m a few days late. In all honesty, I tried to get this out on Fathers Day I really did. Here’s the deal: life happened. I got hit with three days of depression and migraines. Now I’m not here to make excuses, but shit happens.

It took me three days to get out of this slump. It took me three days to evaluate my mood and tell myself to smarten the fuck up. It’s not always as easy as it seems but like I said before, it’s up to me and me only to decide how my day goes. I let myself down and allowed myself to stay down.

Depression is about balance and being aware of your mood. It’s not always easy and the lows seem to get lower and lower. It might be hard at times, but it’s important to stay open and always remember to keep talking. Talk to anyone you can because bottled up emotion is a goddamn time bomb waiting to happen.

So again, I know I’m a few days late but……..

Happy fathers day to every Dad and Step Dad out there! This includes every single Mom, grandparent, Aunt, Uncle, and family friend who has ever stepped up when a child was in need.

N.R.W

Proud Daddy

Proud is an understatement, my heart is absolutly filled to the top with all sorts of feels.

If my house is anything like everyother parents then dinner time can be a pain in the ass.

Thing 1 – I don’t want to eat that.

Thing 2 – Throws fork on the ground

Thing 3- Crying

Tonight was going very smooth, then BOOM. That’s right all hell broke loose at the kitchen table. Two of the three kids were crying, there was rice and cutlery everywhere. The girls made dessert before dinner, chocolate mousse and Butterscotch pudding or “Hopscotch pudding” as my oldest calls it. We had a game plan, everyone eat good and then we were able to have two that’s right TWO desserts.

So the melt down is in full swing and then out of nowhere my oldest comes to the rescue. Her baby sister needs to eat 5 small bites of her chicken and then it was dessert heaven, however, she was not and will not calm down. So there she is, my first born baby girl, calming her sister down and doing the oldschool “airplane” move.

She has calmed her down, she gets her to eat all the chicken and absolutely killing the parenting game. My wife has the biggest smile ear to ear and says to her.

Mom- “You are going to be the best mom ever sweetie”

Thing 1 – Smiles and starts to blush “thanks momma”

My heart skipped a beat, my face hurt from smiling and I have never felt so proud in my life. Now for the people who know my daughter, at the age of almost 5, she wants nothing more then to become a mom. My baby girl absolutely melted my heart today. She is such a strong little woman already and she continues to blow me away with her positive winning attitude.

She took control of a situation and absolutely crushed it, at just under 5 years old she carried herself as if she too was a parent. I saw characteristics in her that I don’t see in most adults today.

Needless to say she got her two desserts and then some. It is moments like these that I do not have the words to describe how PROUD I am of my family.

What are some of your PROUD moments? Is there one that just sticks out in your memory or maybe you have a hand full? I want to hear them, comment below or tag someone who has a unique or heartwarming story. I look forward to hearing from you all.

N.R.W

Kindergarten

Orientation day!

Honestly I let my anxiety and hard feelings towards school get in the way a bit today.

My daughter is so excited to start her journey into the world of learning. As a father I’m excited for her. All hard feelings aside, there is a lot to learn in grade school and I’m anxious to watch her learn and grow.

Grade school was a very hard time for me. I went to three school by the time I was 9, which at the time made it very hard to make friends.

“Oh great not another boy!”

This was something I heard, from who ironically later in life became one of my best friends and she actually introduced me to my amazing wife. At the time it hurt but it was something I was used to. I was picked on a lot due to my size so I learned to hide my feelings and bottle everything up.

Always being the outsider I needed a way to “fit in”, so naturally I acted out. In “school” standard I wasn’t very bright, I did poor in class and well homework was not a priority. I hid my report cards and threw away notes from my teachers.

“if you keep this up your going to be no one in life”

“no Nick you need to do it this way, your way is wrong”

I knew from a very young age that school was not a place for me. By grade 12 I worked from 530am to 1030am then I went to school then back to work after class. At the time I had a 3rd period class which I would show up to late due to my work schedual and my teacher constantly harped on me for it. One day I had enough after he called me out in front of everyone.

Teacher -” Nick you come in here late everyday, your dressed in dirty clothes, you seem tired and distracted and your wasting my time”

Teenage Nick ” Oh I’m sorry, iv put in more hours already today then you will put in all week, so dont tell me im wasting your time” (there might have been some foul language in there)

Needless to say I quickly dropped that class and honestly never looked back. Now I’m not here to bash school, I’m not even entirely sure where I was going with that story but oh well.

Honestly I hope my kids grow up having the time of their life in school. I want them to have memories of their favorite teacher and “that one time in grade 4 when we…”. It turns out when you go to 5 different schools you end up with a lot of different friends and even more interesting stories. More then anything i want my children to leave school with amazing memories, and hopefully no debt(that ball is in my court I know).

To my baby girl, your growing up too fast for mom and me but that’s ok. Your going to learn lots both hard lessons and lessons that will come easy. Your going to make friends and lose friends but it’s all part of the process. Just remember to never stop learning, always go after your dreams and never give up on yourself. YOU have the choice to be happy and to enjoy your life. Listen generously, you might learn something from the most unexpected person. One last thing, BE YOURSELF. You are what makes you amazing, if someone doesn’t like it, so what. Your going to do great baby girl, go take what’s yours and never look back because you can’t change what’s already done but you sure as hell can build the road to where you want to go.

N.R.W

To: Mom

Thank you.

The reason I am the man I am today, doesn’t just stem from my fathers. The big reason, the main reason, is the mother I had standing behind them.

You always tell me you wish you would have been able to give me more growing up, and I never truly understood why. Everything that I do for my family stems from me watching my role model raise me.

You taught me that when I fail, it was only a lesson that I needed to learn. You taught me to keep my head high and heart full, because no matter what happens, tomorrow is a new day. You taught me the little things, like matching my shoes with my belt, and how to keep a clean house (which is extremely hard with three kids….Fyi). You showed me how to be compassionate, and to no matter what, help someone who is in need. It’s amazing the effect that you truly have on people. Every friend that has met you will always ask me how “momma” is doing.

There is this story of me and my friend Dumba going to Costco with her. We went off and lost her so being idiots we started walking around yelling, “mom! momma! mommy!”. We finally came across her and she was so red in the face and this lady who worked there came and said oh good, you found your boys. Well 2 years later she goes to Costco and this same lady comes up and asks her how her two boys are. The key part in all this was “her boys”, I am her only son but she has always treated my friends as if they were her own.

Momma, I love you. You’re the reason I’ve become the father I am, and I thank you everyday, for everything.

I love you to the moon and back again, around the world and up to the stars.

Sonny

My One

It’s as simple as this, my wife is the reason I am here today.

Not all fairy tales are kissing frogs and flying donkeys. On the outside I learned how to be confident and to some even well put together.

In reality I was an alcohol fueled freight train filled with narcotics and a hidden bag of explosives. My depression was the conductor and I’ll be honest with you guys he was a terrible driver.

To my parents I might have seemed a bit off but I would always blame it on being tired, I was in my early twenties and living the “bar life”. To my close friends they could see me slipping away at an alarming rate.

So here I am at my afternoon bar spot, I look across the room and through the doors I see my guardian angel. I immediately asked my wing man, Michelle, who the hell this stunning women is (she worked with my future wife at the time).

M: Her name is Teles………

Me: She is the most beautiful women I have ever seen.

I didn’t even let her finish saying her name I was so fixated.

Later that day, at a different bar, here she comes walking in the door and what are the first words out of my mouth?

Me: Hey I know that girl, I fucking love that girl..

Her: Was he talking to me ?

I had to meet her, there was no question that I needed this women in my life.

So I do what any pathetic young guy does, and asks her friends what some of her interests are to see where we have some common ground. Remember a couple weeks ago I posted about how the lion king played a very important role in us meeting?

That simple post gave me an in to start a conversation with one of the shyest people I have ever met.

A few nights later I picked my future wife up and we talked for 8 hours before the lion king was played. I was sweating like a nervous pig, she asked me what was wrong and I told her I have never been so scared to kiss anyone because if I mess it up I won’t get another shot.

This women gave me the flashlight to find my way out of the hole. She gave me eternal confidence and showed me how to love me for me. Not once has she ever asked me to change or that I can’t do this and that, with trusting in me to make the right choices it in turn showed me my self worth.

To my beautiful wife, Thank you.

Love N.R.W

BRONCOS STRONG

My dad grew up there, my brother lives there and my best friend has won a national championship there. I have been visiting the Humboldt community my entire life for Christmas dinners and to watch the boys in green and yellow.

My heart goes out to every friend brother sister cousin uncle aunt grandma grandpa son daughter and most importantly mom and dad.

To the Moms and Dads, there are no words I can say or actions I can do to portray how deeply sorry I am. I want you to know that you are not alone there is an entire community world wide that is here behind you in this time of need. I did not know any of your sons but I promise you that they will forever be remembered and that all the good memories will be shared for lifetime to come.

Rest Easy Young Warriors.

N.R.W

The Key To Life

Do you want to know what the key to life is ?

I have a hint, it’s not in this post. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is the key holder to their own life.

My life and your life are very different, just like my house key won’t unlock your door and hopefully yours doesn’t unlock my door. Throughout your life you could end up with many keys and become that one guy we know with a ten pound key ring that he needs a fany pack for. Ok I’m that guy and you know what? I’m not ashamed of it.

Everyone starts with 1 key then something cool happens, we find another one and then another. We do this till we find the one that opens that last door for us where life is perfect……. out of nowhere you stumble upon another key.

There is no single key, the key is to make the one your currently holding the best damn key you have ever seen. Life is weird and beautiful and scary and messed up but that’s what makes it amazing. If you’re looking for the key to life then take the one you have throw it away and go down to lifedepot and cut a new one.

N.R.W

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