It’s still 2018 right? No? Well shit, what the hell just happened?
Ok, so I still occasionally can’t sleep, I still have 3 kids (for now) and I’m still bald. In all honesty these last 6 to 7 months have been quite the blur.
“You know, a lot can happen in 6 months” is something I say more than I probably should. Yet here I am feeling like in the last six months I haven’t accomplished anything. I set some big personal goals for 2018 and if I’m being honest with myself, I didn’t come close to achieving them.
“I’m not mad, just disappointed.”
We have all heard this before. That’s right- we all just had flashbacks of the first time our parents blessed us with such fear. Can anyone tell me if they remember the first time they used that sentence in relation to themselves?
Now, just now, was the first time I remember. In case anyone is wondering, yes it still sucks. The dad in me is standing there with his hands on his hips and a “I told ya so” shit-eating grin on his face. The man child in me is doing everything he can from letting old shit-grin get the best of him but knows he was “told ya so-ed”.
I’m not mad really there is nothing to be mad about. I still accomplished a lot, just none of my personal goals were met. Here’s a little glimpse into our life achievements this past while:
My wife and I are expecting again this May! I know we said that after Paxton we were done, but guess what? Life had a different plan for us and we couldn’t be happier.
My oldest has started Kindergarten, figure skating and has set her first ever goal which is to learn how to read and write. Hopefully by grade 2 she will be able to help me with my reading and righting. (lol)
My middle child has totally found her own unique and crazy personality. She is so caring and warm-hearted, but at the same time she will cut you if you eat all the yogurt. At 2 years old she remembers lyrics from her favorite artists that include Leon Bridges, Post Malone and LP.
And as for baby boy! He is walking, running, falling, climbing, laughing, loving and living. I don’t want to rub it in but “DAD” is the number 1 word in his vocabulary (to be fair, it was not the first). I’m not sure if this is something I should be worried about or not but he does do this one weird thing. Every so often he will stand on my lap and grab my head, and force me to move so he is able to look down on me. He then looks straight into my soul and headbutts me over and over again. Paxton: 1 – Dad: 0. #powermove
Well now it comes down to tackling the ‘being disappointed’ part. I’m not disappointed because I think I’m lazy or didn’t bust my ass off. I know I’m a hard worker and do everything I can to provide for my family. And I most certainly am not disappointed with the kind of husband or father I have been. Family always comes first. So why is it that I’m feeling this way?
Now I know this may come off as selfish to some, but the truth is that I’m disappointed because I am willing to go the extra mile for every single aspect of my life except for the one that means the most: MYSELF. Yes you heard me, MYSELF.
Why shouldn’t my personal goals be a priority? And I’m not talking about the “take the kids to Disneyland” or “buy a new house” type of goals. I’m talking about the ones we all promise to ourselves when we have the “this is going to be the time I change the world” type shit. We all have them- admit it. In my case, i keep telling myself that i am going to write a cookbook. I have started 5-6 times now but thats as far as i ever get.
These are the kinds of actions and habits that I believe could change a persons life. Now I’m not saying my life needs changing, I’m just saying imagine how amazing my life could be if I gave my mind and soul the kind of attention I give other aspects of my life. When your mind and body are filled with love and joy, you’re more likely to spread those feeling to the people around you and to the people who need it the most.
As I lay here in what is the last few minutes of my well deserved timeout (dad time) I ask myself to simply do better. Do better for Me, Myself, and I. If I can do better for ME I know that I’m doing better for everything and everyone that I care about in this crazy life. Everyone deserves a ‘do better’ moment, whats yours?