Emotions are something that i held deep down and strongly believed that they were a sign of weakness. Weakness in my mind was something that was extremely unacceptable and would be the reason i would not be able to succeed in life not just financially but more importantly as a father and husband.
There was a moment in my life that changed my world upside down and i had this new view on how i perceived my emotional side. It took me all of 6 hours for me to know that i wanted to spend as much time as i possibly could with this women who fell into my life when i I needed her the most. I found myself speechless and with elephants running around my chest. The first time in my life i was nervous to kiss this Angel because i was so afraid that she would reject me and i would loose this opportunity (this was all in the first 6 hours). We spend every waking moment together from then on, we didnt watch movies or hang out with people, for the first few weeks we would talk non stop every moment of everyday.
You could argue that our first official “date” could go down in history as the worst date ever. Leading up to the dinner was fine everything was amazing then we get into the truck.
Then GF: I should let you know every date that iv been on has gone horribly wrong and we never speak again after.
Me: oh ok…… that’s reassuring.
We pull up to the restaurant and i receive a phone call. My grandmother was ill and it was my mom calling to let me know that she had passed away. I had just lost one of the few people in my life that truly meant something to me but i knew i needed to finish this date. I didn’t know it at the time but that date is a perfect depiction of how i need my wife in my life.
As one protector left this life another one was able to step right into mine and save me from absolute self destruction. I tell people all the time that “My wife saved my life” she taught me to not be afraid of love and how to allow my emotions to show and not hide behind a fake smile layered with drugs and alcohol.
July 17 2013 A.L.W was born and the moment i heard her little scream i turned into an emotional flood gate. If that was weakness then i want to be the weakest dad in town the love that filled my body was the drug i had been looking for all these years. From that moment on the only thing i need or truly care about is my family, it has grown with the addition of E.S.W and P.J.W, each with their own distinct characteristics and each filling up a different part of my heart.
Your parents always told you that “you will understand when you have kids of your own” but i didn’t realize how many aspect of fatherhood that statement really applied to. From the late nights because the baby wont sleep to the 4 am wake up call because ” i want to watch my movie”. Being a dad is truly the the most rewarding journey i have ever been on. I tell all my soon to be dad friends “welcome to the most amazing part of life”.
There is a time and a place to show no weakness and be strong for your children and wife but they also need to see a side of dad that needs to be comforted and lifted. Children are an amazing gift and no part of their lives should be wasted or neglected. The love and strength my wife and children have given me i will never be able to repay them but i know that with the right guidance and positive reassurance they will continue to spread that love to their own families and more.