First rule of Dad Club, do not talk about Dad Club.
Scratch that there are no rules. If you’re an expecting dad I hate to break it to you but there is no step by step guide to help you along the yellow brick road. Every day is a different game with a different set of rules and players. Lucky for me my ADHD fits right in with this particular game of Kerplunk. When i said that everyday is a different game i really mean it. Let me take you back to this past July long weekend, Saturday night after we had finished supper i asked my oldest daughter if she would like a freezie or some ice cream.
Her: uh dad you know that i like pink freezies.
Me: oh that is right how silly of me. (she always asks for a pink freezie)
Fast forward a mere 12 maybe 15 hours max, the whole family is down at the beach ( i forgot to mention that we were at the lake for the long weekend) and it is absolutely beautiful outside not a breath of wind the sun is shining and I am starting to look like a bronzed Greek god. At our lake there is a couple that has a mobile home that is turned into a small kitchen and ice cream truck, so being the good dad that i am i sneak away to get some freezies while my wife is searching for sea shells with thing 1 and thing 2.
Me: hey guys look what dad has.
Thing 1: what did you get me daddy.
Me: i obviously got you a pink freezie, (because again she always asks for a pink freezie) and i got your sister some cookie dough ice cream.
Thing 2: YAY mksabuwdhc. ( she’s a baby )
Thing 1: but i don’t want a freezie i want i want rainbow ice cream. ( and then she proceeded to have a bit of a melt down.)
Me: Ok let’s go ill have your pink freezie. (fuck me right i just walked half a km for that damn freezie)
Never assume anything because when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME , classic dad joke but in all seriousness it’s always better to just ask and get the order right the first time.
We don’t have a club house or cool biker vests. We don’t hold meetings and have a secret hand shake or really anything that other clubs have but what we do have is our own basement full of toys that never get used, our very own bathroom that is usually shared with the kids because your wife needs the en suite for all her things, and if your lucky a small slice of the King size bed. But none of that matters because for the rest of your life you are DAD! You’re the guy who hands out the best bear hug and scares away all the bad guys because to the bad guys i am the boogie man. No one will ever take that away from you, you are a hero to them and i will look under beds and check to make sure there are no monsters for the rest of their lives.